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Oh for the Days.

Oh for the days, when there were no hyphenated ladies. Consider the trouble it causes on a typical day in the sweat shop (the pharmacy where Dano works). A prescription is called in by Doctor Smith for Sue Perez. Then Sue Byne-Perez comes in asking for the medication. In our computer she’s listed as Sue Byne. Her new health insurance card has her listed as Cassie

Byne-Perez. Sue is her middle name! Thanks to the hyphenated lady, a five minute prescription turns into a forty-five minute exercise in frustration for poor Dano.

Then there was the time I waited in line for fifteen minutes at Wally-Mart while Ms. Pavlowskonovich-Bell tried to make a purchase with two bad credit cards, a flawed debit card, and a check that wouldn’t clear. She was an ogre of a woman. She bitched and screamed after every failed attempt. The woman was big, fat, ugly, stupid, and mean-spirited. Those were her good points! Suddenly the thought occurred to me, "How dare she be hyphenated!" If you’re a female named Pavlowskonovich , half the reason for marrying a guy named Bell is to get a new last name. This creature was damn lucky to get any sober man (if indeed he was sober at the time) to marry her sorry butt. How dare she refuse to take his name.

What if these ladies start hyphenating every time they marry. Take someone with Liz Taylor’s marriage record. You could have a Susan Johnson-Adkins-Hernandez-Montgomery-Phillips-Kowleski-Summerfield. If such a person actually exists, she had better never, ever try to fill a prescription at Dano’s pharmacy!

See future topics on "Oh for the Days", next week


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