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Wisdom Comes With A Price

There are thousands of loyal "Dano maniacs" who marvel at his profound wisdom and unique insight. These valuable abilities did not naturally occur with aging and the passing of time. It took years of hard work, eating greasy food, and drinking gallons of black coffee in hundreds of nameless cafes and most of all making many stupid blunders and embarrassing mistakes to develop Dano’s wisdom.

It was once said many came to a stone wall and left seeing only a wall, but Buddha came to the wall and went away enlightened. In America many have watched the Three Stooges and been entertained. Dano not only was entertained by the Stooges, but learned lessons in life from them.

Today, a take of folly from Dano’s misspent youth. A tale of suffering with valuable lessons learned. Many moons ago I was a 22 year old college lad - 3.5 years into what was to be a 5.5 year degree. Changing my major four times and quitting twice delayed the four year degree a bit.

On a warm spring Saturday night in our small mid-west town Dano and two college acquaintances set off to a larger town for a night of bar hopping. The plan was simple, have fun, get drunk, and find women. As usual, no women were found. Imagine that! I compensated by drinking more beer.

During the night, I remembered bumping into a couple I knew who lived in my college town and going with them for pizza. I have a vague recollection of meeting a couple of guys from my part-time construction job and maybe sipping Jack Daniels in Marks pick-up truck. The next thing I remember Doc is I was waking up in the city park back in my college town. The town had a spacious well kept park with a band shell for musical events. I was laying in the band shell with nothing on but a skimpy pair of cut off shorts that were two inches too big for me. The sun was shining in my eyes, I had a half of a hangover, and my clothes from the night before were gone!

I stumbled back to the dorm. My door was unlocked and my wallet, keys, etc. were laying on my desk. To this very day, I know not how I came to be laid out in the band shell. No one ever talked, if they knew. Also, my clothes were never found.

My body craved relief from the hangover, just like a pregnant woman lusts for pickles and ice cream. My animal instincts drew me to the ingredients I must have needed. I found myself at the Happy Chef spending the last of my money on pancakes (toast can be substituted), a bowl of chili with the right amount of Tabasco sauce, and hot black coffee. The hangover was miraculously cured. From my suffering and adversity a cure from the hangover was invented that served me well in the years to come. My pain is your gain, dear reader; this sage secret is now yours too.

Years later, after more experimentation, I discovered that by drinking in moderation I could prevent the hangover from occurring. Here it is, another pearl of wisdom coming your way: It is better to prevent a hangover than to cure one. For you intellectual rednecks like Dano further elucidation from the immortal words of the philosopher and my role model Curly Joe, "Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.." That’s what I thought you said.

The teachings of Saint Moe, Saint Larry, and Saint Curly will have to wait for another day along with the debatable sainthood of Shemp and the controversy surrounding this stooge. Suffice it to say, no college degree on earth can compare with the experiences in life that honed Dano’s uncanny wisdom and mammoth understanding of the human condition, to the awesome level it is today.

PS - Do any of you Dano fans have other possible cures for the hangover? Please tell me what they are.


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